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Setting the Stage for Your Dance of Intimacy – Part 2

Tuesday, 1 September,2009

dancingAt the end of Part 1 of this article, I mentioned music … first some dance music. Not everyone likes dancing or is good at it. Some folk feel downright awkward to dance, especially in front of others. I personally love dancing. However, for this exercise the issue is not dancing per se, but moving the body to a rhythm. It does not matter what music or rhythm you move to, slow or fast, the key is having fun and get your energy moving.

Usually in our day-to-day life we forget about our body, except for feeding it, cleaning it or going to the bathroom, and maybe doing some routine exercises. Thus outside those times and when our body aches or is in pain we tend to give little or no attention to it. It’s almost as if we’re disconnected from our body.

The reason I suggested dance music is two-fold: One, to reconnect with our body; and Two to release tensions – both loosening muscles and reducing anxiety – from it through our moving to the rhythm while allowing the inner feelings and emotions to be expressed via movement.

Sometimes, without realising it, we lock up “stress-producing” emotions, such as grief, sorrow, frustration or anger in our bodies. So this, quite literally, helps us to dance them out of our system.

Once we creatively move our body and shake it free from those tensions, limbering up a bit, and becoming aware of our body, and actively feel it, we can then take the next step of connecting with our partner’s body. Moving in unison with others expels isolation that we often place upon ourselves.
Slow down the pace of music and a gently gaze into each other’s eyes ( watch for one of the next articles: “How to Tune into Your Loved One”).

As you are still moving in unison, alternate who leads and who follows the dance, listening intently to your own body and your partner’s. Allow your hands to roam gently over the other person’s body, at this stage still fully clothed and avoid any contact with ‘private’ areas.

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couple bath copy - 50%Time to move into the bathroom – your love spa with candles and lovely scents. Make it a delicious ritual of gentleness and kisses, rather than a perfunctory cleaning process.

For some of you lovely couples this is all rather difficult, especially to some of you men to keep the control and not make love right now at this stage! This actually is very important. You’ll find that the end result will be explosively ecstatic, beyond what would happen if you allowed the urge to take over!

I am now talking to the servant leader amongst my readers, and will reveal one little secret … just one for now … little techniques to get all the little nerve cells in her body to want to climb out of her skin with delight, and that is a massage. Not any old massage, though.

Let me give you a bit of background here from what I learnt from my instructor of a massage course I attended.
She was very strong on unconditional regard and respect for the person in front of her.

She would say to us students, “You have a very precious human being lying there in front of you. This human being has fears, anxieties, hurts, damages, maybe low self esteem, maybe was violated. When you lay hands on that precious person, know that you serve that person with unconditional love. Every inch of that body is yearning for love and acceptance; minister that in all humility and servant hood. Treasure that body with all its frailties and shortcomings as if it was the most precious jewel God gave you permission to minister to.”

I never forgot this lady instructor’s admonition, and now I will pass it on to you.

Forget your own urges. You are now the servant leader, the high priest, minister to your lady. Love and cherish that body, whether it is young or old, skinny or fat. Go slow, ‘listen’ with your hands, the Spirit of God will guide you to certain areas, stop and pour love in. Now, having said that, here comes a little twist when giving a massage with your hands.

It is very easy to let a male ego to get in the way and pride yourself as being ‘The Amazing One’ who gets his lady to feel good, and make her moan with enjoyment and all that. You can curb that by humbly being in the receiver mode yourself whilst at the same time being the servant leader ministering to your lady.

How? By learning to really relish the sensation of touching and touch in your own hands and fingers.

It’s like as if you were to very consciously slowly touch and stroke some velvet, fur, silk or other tactile materials. You fo not give pleasure to a piece of silk or velvet, you experience the sumptious delicious touch yourself. In the same way, whilst serving your lady, be very conscious of how good her skin feels, take it slowly and really feel her with total presence. The more you feel her with that level of presence, the more she will enjoy it – and so will you! (You might need to sensitize your hands and fingers to learn what sensuous touch feels like on different fabrics, especially if you are not used to this level of delicate touch).

Now, I suggest you do that massage in three stages: 1st dry, 2nd feather, and 3rd oil and follow the suggestions from a previous article on how to give a Relaxing Intimate Massage

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Feather Massage copy - 50%

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Live Life with Love and Passion!

Geli

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© Copyright A.R. (Geli) Heimann – Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved

Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feed-back!


God bless!

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR BLOG POST IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

The Journey Of Intimacy – Geli Heimann BSc( Hons), MSc BPsych, is a NLP Practitioner, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.

Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions.

To read more articles and personal diary posts go to The Journey Of Intimacy Notes or the main website www.JourneyOfIntimacy.com

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Setting the Stage for Your Dance of Intimacy – Part 1

Wednesday, 26 August,2009

Joyfully together 70%So often “Sex after Marriage” becomes a joke simply because it gradually either dwindles into non-existence or becomes a duty to perform – especially for those wives who were told that their husbands need it, and her body belongs to him. (I am not referring here to any abusive or masochistic tendencies that sadly happen all too frequently in religious marriages. I am assuming here that both partners are in a ‘normal’ marriage and just want to experience those wonderful promises of delight in the bedroom).
Quite typically, of course, most couples get so busy with the various must-do’s, work, childrearing, and other seemingly unending activities bringing their various stressors with them, that intimacy in the bedroom gets put on the backburner as not important enough to consider, let alone have the energy to ‘endulge’ in.

Allow me to awaken your deep yearning desires – you may not even be aware of – and inspire you to dream about a non-rushed and exquisite form of lovemaking. Admittedly, it is quite an involved time of delight but it is so worth it all! It’s a most delicious dance of spirituality and lovemaking that each couple dances to their own unique rhythm reflecting their very own love relationship as well as their level of intimacy they have grown to.

romantic hands 40%Suffice it to say, this takes time, dedication, preparation, skill, knowledge, deep understanding of yourself and your partner in the Dance of Intimacy. It means slowing down from the hectic rat race of the day and work life. It means becoming still, reflective, honouring, respecting and cherishing, certainly at that moment in time.

Sadly, most people are not prepared for the Dance of Intimacy when they enter marriage. They know what sex is, it’s natural, anyone can do it (and so can animals). They may either have done it before marriage, they may have felt titillatingly naughty, some think nothing of it, afterall everyone around them does the same, or they feel ashamed or even damaged. Some couples may have waited till after the “I do”, only to find that it was such a disappointing let-down (especially for the woman), like an overrated activity where mainly the man gets pleasure. Sure, I am aware that this is a vast over generalization. There are plenty of couples who enjoy it increasingly so as the years go by. If this is you, consider yourself blessed, as you are in the minority!

As mentioned before, the rather common scenario is that both partners find they are so busy and so exhausted with so many things on their plate already with worries about bills, kids, with demanding or ageing/ailing parents / in-laws that the last thing on their mind is to make love. Usually bed is a place you crash and exhaustedly sleep after a gruelling day of work challenges (for both husband and wife), challenges with growing kids, etc. So, on top of it all, rather than snuggling in each other’s arms, bed time becomes discussion time over lack of finance and other worries.

When *it* does happen, it’s a rush job, resulting in the woman either being glad it’s over, or lying next to a snoring husband not even having had a chance to get aroused.

Certainly this is not what God had in mind when He created all the myriad of nerve cells, glands and feel-good hormones. All those pleasure zones are pretty irrelevant for procreation. God actually created us to experience pleasure contrary to popular opinion.

It was not the devil’s idea for people to have deliciously sensual pleasure. In fact, the devil never originated anything, rather, he is referred as the father of all lies, there is no truth in him and he is a thief to come to steal and destroy. All he can do is to steal what God had originally created and pervert it.

Isn’t it amazing that God created the female to have way more nerve endings both all over her body and especially in the genital area than males? Isn’t it also amazing that God created the masculine which is directive and purposeful to actually derive exponentially greater pleasure in servant leadership …. even in the bedroom?

Frankly, men have been deprived and conned out of greater pleasure by simply rushing through it all.

For now, let’s set the stage a little, in other words, preparation.

Why are preparation and the right ambience so powerful?

Unless you’re new in your marriage relationship and everything is oozing with passion that you can’t actually wait to get into the bedroom, and that the hallway, the kitchen, … is as good as anywhere …  a woman, in particularly needs some “warming up”.

Every person’s arousal is somewhere on a scale between purely body arousal and almost purely mental/mind arousal.

get to know each other 30%It would be well to get to know yourself and your spouse where each one of you has their natural preference point on that scale. Every person is uniquely different; nothing is better or worse, just like brown eyes are not better than blue eyes, just different.

Once you know your preferred default point on that scale, which by the way can vary according to various stressors in life and moods, you can then creatively work with it.

We often think we know our spouses very well, when we frequently don’t even know ourselves…

Typically, women tend to be more on the mind side of the scale mentioned above. You may have heard it said, that women’s sex organ is the brain; actually there is more truth to that than this jokey glib statement would allow for.
So, then, if this mind-factor is so important, then we should allow for it.

Let’s look at some specific Preparation

First of all, let’s think about your own personal Inner Chamber Delight area. Here are some practical ideas that are often overlooked.

Are there kids? If yes, you will need a lock on the door, even if they promise not to disturb. The slightest notion of potentially a kid accidentally bursting in through the doors will put especially the woman off abruptly, and then it takes a while again to build up her mental readiness.

Is the place soundproof? Yes, right now you maybe as quiet as a pair of mice that don’t want to attract a cat’s attention, but as you learn more how you can move to higher levels on your Dance of Intimacy, you will also learn to allow yourself full expression of breath and sound.

How is your bedroom? Is it a dumping ground, an emergency place to quickly let stuff and clutter vanish when guests arrive unexpectedly …. yet never got around to sort out the ‘emergency state’. Is there a pile of books, coffee-cups, laptop, etc. gathering dust next to your bed? Have you gotten into the habit of watching TV in bed rather than snuggling? Do you have the tendency to sort out your differences and conflict resolutions in bed, then falling asleep well away from touch with each other?

Is your bathroom the opposite of a mini spa … discarded clothes piled up together with towels, kids’ toys, a number of half-empty shampoo and shower bottles, etc.?

I think you get the drift: make your bedroom and bathroom a sanctuary of bliss. Conflict resolutions should not happen in the bedroom, rather reserve one distincly seperate ‘corner’ of your home for that, deal with the issues and then enter your bedroom in loving peace.

Whatever you do, make it ”illegal” to fight, argue and worry in bed. Your bed/bedroom is your sanctuary. It needs to be diligently prayed over, blessed, free from negative spiritual influences, and be made beautiful to your individual liking.

Add lovely and uplifting and especially peaceful art if you wish. If your art/pictures/paintings portray people, I suggest that you chose something like a happy in love couple or you two together, rather than a single person or a crowd of people. Why? Well, so that this image of happy, joyful togetherness and union nurtures and nourishes the deep parts of your soul.

Add some lovely flowers. I personally find there is nothing more beautiful inside a vase than a gorgeous bouquet of fresh flowers. However, I often resort to good quality tasteful silk flowers simply as they last longer, thus more economical in the long run. But certainly, if you can afford it, nurture yourself regularly with the delight of freshly cut flowers.

If you have some unsightly furniture in your bedroom which you really can’t get rid of, then become creative with tranquil colourful fabric drapes to create a calming ambience shutting out visual noise.

I also suggest music in your bedroom. Some happy uplifting dance music for the initial stages of your Inner Chamber time (I will explain later in part 2); and for the second stage on the bed, chose mellow, smooth instrumental music.

Last not least have some candles and essential oil burners. In another blog post I will deal with sensual oils, not just the medicinal oils, to deliciously perfume your love den, your Inner Chamber.

The keyword is not high octane, fast paced passion, but relaxing, calming tranquillity with a deep radiance of passion that fuses the two of you into one with God in the centre; a love and passion so still and yet so exuberant that every cell in your bodies tune into a heavenly symphony rather than one short sharp trumpet call …..

…… To be continued on Part 2 ……

Live life with Love and Passion,

Geli

________________________________
© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved

Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feed-back!


God bless!


WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR BLOG POST IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

The Journey Of Intimacy – Angelika Regina Heimann BSc( Hons), MSc BPsych, is a NLP Practitioner, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.

Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions.

To read more articles and personal diary posts go to The Journey Of Intimacy Blog

Hugging for Healing

Wednesday, 1 July,2009

We need 4 hugs a day for survival.
We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.
We need 12 hugs a day for growth

—Virginia Satir, family therapist

I am a very huggy, touchy, sensual tactile person and love to put my hands and arms around anyone any

30 big hug

thing that moves or doesn’t move. My hands have a natural tendency to explore textur

es, hold

things, caress, tenderly stroke, massage, play with things … oh yes, I guess, not surprisingly, I have a healing anointing in and through my hands.

One of the areas I ab

solutely love to minister in is prophetic healing touch.

What is prophetic healing touch, you ask? Well, basically when I am praying and ministering to someone I invite the Spirit of God to lead me to move my hands towards ‘safe’ areas where they need healing in their bodies … safe as perceived by the person I am ministering to.

Sometimes that means that I do not actually touch them and just let my hands hover over that area. Sometimes I am led to embrace and hold the person like mother would with a small child. I am normally very quiet and gentle when I minister to people like that, as I am relying on the Holy Spirit to do His work. Invariably the person experiences some sort of a release often with tears and then joy.

OK, let me explain what is happening here, or rather, how I understand what is happening here.

Quite a number of people have experienced trauma in their lives, including sexual abuse and domestic violence. I will describe in another blog post some of the coping mechanisms such victims live with; else this one gets too long.

For this particular blog post, let me point out some very interesting scientific research with growing verification that neurobiological responses to trauma are stored as trauma memory in the body, even down to the cells.

These body memories continue long after the abuse occurred. Invariably the victim is not even aware of this until it is triggered by some seemingly harmless, non-related incident, when, to the surprise of others, that former victim completely over- reacts or totally freezes.

The reason is that commonly a trauma victim, especially if they experienced sexual abuse or violence as a child, will disassociate that ‘reality’ from their conscious experience memory, building coping patterns and continue with other areas in their life. In other words, it’s like the effect of the trauma does not exist for them, it’s cut off from their daily life, yet shows up when it is least desired.

No matter how much they convince themselves, may even go to psychotherapy – talk therapy – the ugly effects just linger on.

Basically it is important to realise that we are dealing with an invisible body wound, a soul-body wound that needs healing like a physical body wound.

Because the body was central to the trauma, it is now also central to the healing process.

Let me explain a bit more. In sexual abuse, clearly the body is implicated; it is assaulted, its value warped, it is used and abused, boundaries trashed, resulting in pain and confusing sexual responses, or dissociative absence. The joy, comfort and ease with his or her body were, in a sense, stolen. A permanent body wound resulted requiring a combined healing to resolve the body trauma issues.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this writing, I am a huggy touchy person and the church environment is just so perfect for me to throw my arms around everyone that walks through the doors.
Some years ago I was astounded by an unexpected reaction by someone in the congregation. They froze, pulled back and point blank told me, “don’t hug me and don’t touch me!”

Back then, I really did not know what to make of this. I mean, did my breath smell? Did I stink? … or what?? I must have looked ever so puzzled, but the person in question was unable to explain. Later I had similar incidents, but they were gracious to just indicate to me that it was not my breath smelling …

As my ministry calling directed me more and more into the field of intimacy especially sexual intimacy between couples, and have been ministering for years confidentially in that area, I, at times, found various Pandora ’s boxes and cans-of-worms opening. Thus, I pressed (and keep pressing) into the Lord to give me further understanding and insight.

Do I still make mistakes and throw my arms around people, unknowingly pointing them to their scars? I have to admit, yes I do, but I have learnt to become more sensitive with my hugging. There are some people who much rather not be hugged and touched in a social setting, and only God’s power especially in healing tough will set them free.

Now, there is actually a flip side to this.

As a backlash to abuse and their aversion to touch, it will leave some victims touch-deprived, and actually yearn for a strong, warm and heartfelt hug and to be held for long enough for their comfort.

How do we dissolve this hugging dilemma? Be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, then approach them respectfully, if necessary ask, “Is it ok to give you a hug?” And if they say yes, then hug them from your heart. They’ll need it, and it will be healing to them.

I shall finish this writing with the following food for thoughts:

How to Hug

Hugging may sound like the simplest thing on earth, but it will help to keep a few things in mind. Non-hugs are no good.

I. The A-frame hug, in which nothing but the huggers’ heads touch.

2. The half-hug, where the huggers’ upper bodies touch—while the other half twists away.

3. The chest-to-chest burp, in which the huggers pat each other on the back, defusing the physical contact by treating each other like infants being burped.

4. The wallet-rub, in which two people stand side-by-side and touch hips.

5. The jock-twirl, in which the hugger, who is stronger or bigger, lifts the other person off the ground and twirls him.

6. The violating hug, in which one hugger grinds into the genital area of the other and tries fondling their behind. With non-intimate people this is classified as violating, abusive and a sexual harassment.

The real thing, the full body hug, touches all the bases. The two people coming together take time to really look at each other. There is no evasion or ignoring that they are about to hug… You try as hard as you can to personalize and customize each hug you give… With a full body hug there is a sense of complete giving and fearless. Communication, one uncomplicated by words.

It is the attitude that is important. It need not be a full, frontal hug. It could be sideways.

Important:

Politely ask, “Would you like a hug?” Rushing up to someone assuming they would want a hug is disrespectful.

It’s ok to say no to a hug; and do not feel offended if someone says ‘no’ to you!

Many people do not like their personal space to be invaded. Still others may feel too vulnerable at times to like to be touched.

Many people feel embarrassed or uncomfortable when hugged, but still give it a try, because they are bound to feel good afterwards and may even feel grateful to you.

When you feel the need to be hugged, ask for one.

And don’t forget to thank the other, just be respectful and honourig to each other.

It only takes a hug, a heartfelt and warm embrace, to change the lives of others. Try it, it works.

…. And smile while you do it,

Geli

________________________________
© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved

Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feed-back!


God bless!


WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR BLOG POST IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

The Journey Of Intimacy – Angelika Regina Heimann BSc( Hons), MSc BPsych, is a NLP Practitioner, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.

Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions.

To read more articles and personal diary posts go to The Journey Of Intimacy Blog

Relaxing Intimate Massage … to set the stage

Tuesday, 30 June,2009

massage 1

Either in workshops or when couples come to me for help, I coach them on various levels uniquely to their needs. Invariably the question comes up from the husband, “How do I relax my wife to the point where she will want to completely melt into bliss?”

My advice is always, take your time and thoroughly get to know each other and especially yourself. Women, but also men, tend to disconnect with their bodies in the daily humdrum of a hectic busy life. Lovemaking is usually rushed. Both kinda get a little of what they want … he gets a release, she experiences some cuddles for the romantic closeness she craves, and that’s it … till next time. Usually someone misses out and thinks ‘what’s the point of it all?!’ … well, that tends to be the woman….

Now, I fully realise that there are millions of highly satisfied wives out there, who could not be happier in their lovemaking with their hubbies!

Not all happily married couples need help and advice to get things out of a rut between the sheets; some just want to take things to higher levels of bliss in their lovemaking, and it’s those who come to me to seek advice.

There is so much I could share here out of years of working with couples and individuals which I will reserve for the book I am writing.
So, here on this blog, I will feature some little snippets and taster ideas and tips. More blog posts to come with that theme.

Let me start off with a massage. Most people like massages and it’s such a wonderful way to relax and connect with the body.

People tend to forget about their bodies, they become like vehicles that get them from A to B during the day. It gets cleaned up, fed, dressed, maybe it gets the benefit of physical exercises, but that’s more or less it. Then when it comes to lovemaking it’s just a quick genital action.

There is so much more that could be enjoyed. God created us with thousands of nerve endings that register pleasure, not just pain. The pain bit, unfortunately, we are all too familiar with, but the pleasure all over the body is seldom explored.

A warning to husbands, when you think you understand your wife’s body and what feels good to her, and you think you know that you know what ‘buttons to press’, you may find that she gets irritated and you’re thinking, ‘I can never please that woman’.

The beauty of a truly feminine woman is that each time you go on a new adventure with her. Different times of the day, or month she will feel differently. The more you explore and deeply enter into a discovery trail with her, the more it will enrich your life.

In fact the longer you’re married the more exciting, passionate and fulfilling it gets …. provided you know what to do, have the right attitude and love her the way she personally and very uniquely needs and desires to be loved. Yep, genuine love is the key ingredient here, else it all becomes just empty, meaningless techniques, and futile skills mastery, especially in the long run.

Let’s talk about this delicious massage.

It always helps to have a nice ambiance, e.g. music, candles, etc.
Now, I suggest you do that massage in three stages: 1st dry, 2nd feather, and 3rd oil.

The dry massage is very gentle, almost hovering with your hands without tickling, plus add some gentle tapping with your fingers (think rain drops all over her body playing a delicate and yet passionate piano overture). That prepares the nerve cells in the skin for the feather massage.

Without stage one, the dry massage, the feather would tickle badly and irritate, however if you’ve gently prepared the skin nerve cells, the feather will feel exquisite. (if it tickles, you did not prepare that area well enough). You can extend the feather massage by using some gently perfumed body talc.

Here is a picture of the feather fan I use to teach couples this section.

Feather fan

Don’t rush things. Take your time to explore with different sensations. Then move onto the essential oil massage.

In all that you do, explore and get to know her body … well, she might not even know her body that well herself, so let her tell you, either by verbally saying yes or no, by her almost imperceptibly withdraw away from your hand or press into your hand, or by her gentle moans of pleasure.

If you like, you can request that lovely treatment from her to you.

Enjoy!

Geli

________________________________
© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved

Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feed-back!


God bless!

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR BLOG POST IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

The Journey Of Intimacy – Angelika Regina Heimann BSc( Hons), MSc BPsych, is a NLP Practitioner, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.

Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions.

To read more articles and personal diary posts go to www.JourneyOfIntimacy.com

Diabetes and Potency

Monday, 29 June,2009

Let me say this right off the bat; I am neither a nutritionist nor a urologist, I am a psychologist. However I have had decades of interest and studying some nutrition, and have a science background. Not only do I have two science degrees, but I also grew up in a home where my father was a scientist and my mother a pharmacist. With that in mind I am going to share with you some highlights from a client, let’s call him, Peter, who trusted me enough to let me work with him on those issues, and as a result got his blood sugar levels near to normal and is enjoying a satisfying love life.

Peter has been

Red smoothie - 50%

a diabetic for years and is on medication (metformin), rather than insulin injections. Peter is also a businessman who travels internationally, holding crucial organisational meetings with decision makers either in boardrooms or in hotel bars, and generally living a stressful life where he used abuse his body eating airline, hotel, and other convenience foods.

When he was diagnosed with diabetes, he tried to watch his food. He reported back that his love-life with his wife started to fluctuate, sometimes the potency was ok, and at other times it certainly was not and he knew he was going down the impotency trail.

Know your own body!

There is something I find amazing with most people who are diabetic. They take their meds; go for their monthly or any other regular blood sugar check-ups, and try to be ‘good’ especially the days before the doctor’s appointments. Meanwhile their libido goes downhill.

If it is a man, quite often the times he has intercourse with his wife will become more infrequent. It’s an odd age, either she is glad that the ‘raging beast’ finally gives her peace, or she has come to a point that she now wants it more and, frustratingly, he is now not interested ….. Ok that is another subject I will deal elsewhere, as it has both psychological and medical implications.

Going back to diabetes and impotency, it is not enough to just go for regular doctor’s appointments!

Let’s say, if a man goes for his monthly check-ups. The day he has his blood sugar levels checked, he may have been very ‘good’ and the results are acceptable to the doctor. What this man does not realise is that during that month the blood sugar levels can fluctuate dramatically, and during the ‘unknown’ high times, a lot of damage is done. So, on the day of the appointment it appears to be fine, when actually it isn’t!

So, the serious minded man will do three things to get to know his own body:

1.    Study his body

2.    Get regular exercises

3.    Check his potency as often as possible (a willing wife is helpful with this …. but then I will be shall sharing more on how to make your wife feel oh so good, she will be asking for more).

Let’s look at point 1.

All food is not created equal. Your body is unique and will metabolise foods uniquely differently to other people, although, certain principles apply across the board.

You are also a package deal in terms of what stresses you negatively, may invigorate someone else. Negative stress also increases the blood sugar levels, as do anxiety, anger, frustration  …. and argument with the spouse, uncertain business deals, etc.

It’s time to log everything about you and study your own body like if it was a laboratory rat! Seriously, NO JOKE!!

Get yourself a blood sugar testing kit, one that gets you to test all your finger tips (well, you would not want to prick he same finger several times a day?!).

For the intensive testing period, stick with a plain food menu that is repeated, thus you should get a reasonably constant reading.

Then introduce one of food type at a time, and check the blood sugar level 2 hours after eating (peak time) – it’s all about getting to know YOUR body!

You will thus find certain foods throw your results off the charts, and others get it below.

Make a note and log it all!

Also make a note if you had any stressful occasions, it may be the stress rather than the food item that threw it off. You will start to see a very useful pattern that will help you to see where and how to do adjustments.

Once you know your body and what foods work best for you, you can then reduce the tests to once a day, in the morning. Still, log everything in a book and a chart.

Back to my client Peter, he was very seriously minded and willing to do whatever it took to manage his blood sugar and regain some of his potency. Sure, it was not like when he was in his 20’s and 30’s when he had full control over body during lovemaking, but he was nonetheless very pleased with the results of what I had advised him to do.

First of all he cut out most, if not all, of the starchy processed carbohydrates and focused on so-called low GI foods, foods with high fibre content.

My preferred recommendation for him is raw, completely uncooked and unprocessed vegetables, as it is living food, and the enzymes in raw foods are destroyed by the heat in the cooking process.

Enzymes are needed to break down food, aid the immune system and metabolism, so that the body can effortlessly assimilate its nutrients.

Enzymes are vital to the healing process in the body. No matter how many vitamins you pop, they will not benefit you that much if they had not been ‘worked on’ by enzymes!

Pasteurized fruit juice, for example, remains fresh for long shelf life because the enzymes have been destroyed by heat. So it is pointless to drink pasteurized vegetable or fruit juices out of cartons and think you’re doing something good for your body! There is no space here to go into details about the benefits of living raw foods and enzyme activities.

I recommended that he would gradually introduce more and more of his vegetables raw. Why? Well, as I said, I am not a medical doctor and I do know that with some people who have abused their bodies for years, their digestive systems are too weak to digest raw vegetables despite all their natural enzymes. So, just in case, I wanted Peter’s body to build up gradually to eating a maximum of raw veggies.

He found out, for example, that eating carrots raw gave him good results, whereas cooking them was like eating sugar cubes, to him.

Thankfully, Peter is a hobby cook, and his wife is a very enthusiastic and dab hand at cooking, too.

First thing, adding to their food processor, they bought themselves a juicing machine and started juicing their raw vegetables.

Green Smoothie 2 - 50%With juicing you will lose some of the fibre, but if you drink your vegetable juice within 15 minutes, you’ll benefit from all the enzymes, vitamins and minerals as if you were munching them.

They then set out to become very creative making all sorts of interesting dips and sauces out of raw veggies with herbs, spices, apple cider vinegar and virgin olive oil, etc. to add to their chunked up raw veggies and quality cooked lean proteins.

They also learned how to add cinnamon to meals, enjoy a little dark chocolate with very high percentage of cocoa and as little sugar as he could stand; plus get out into the sunshine as much as possible to get adequate vitamin D, and other resourceful and creative ways of enjoying a new lifestyle.

He reported back that their love-life had also picked up considerably! He noticed that whenever his blood sugar was high the inevitable ‘droop’ occurred; it was directly related. In fact he could judge by his potency whether or not his blood sugar was high.

Now, it was not easy to implement all this, especially when he was on business trips. He had to learn to do forward thinking and use a lot of discipline to say ‘no’ to some foods and snacks he used to enjoy and everyone around him ate.

However, the result has been greater energy and a very satisfying intimate time with his wife. He thinks it is worth all the effort.

Geli

________________________________
© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved

Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feed-back!


God bless!

———-
Please Note: Disclaimer

Nothing above is intended to be a diagnosis, prescription, recommendation, or cure for any specific kind of medical, psychological, emotional or sexual problem.

Please see a qualified practitioner, physician or therapist for further help.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR BLOG POST IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

The Journey Of Intimacy – Angelika Regina Heimann BSc( Hons), MSc BPsych, is a NLP Practitioner, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.

Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions.

To read more articles and personal diary posts go to The Journey Of Intimacy Blog

Love with Knowledge – Loving Smart!

Sunday, 21 June,2009

“I’m loving people, show them love but they don’t love me back. Why?”

frustrated man

I was recently challenged by a friend.

“Why! No email, no message, not even a phone call!”
I could hear the frustration and the pain. Actually, this plea is not uncommon, and I hear it quite often in one way or another when I work with couples especially.

1 Peter 3:7 comes to mind:
“…  husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honour them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.” (The Message)

“Treat your wife with understanding” (NLT)

or

“according to knowledge” (KJV)

“ … you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition” (Amplified Translation)

Although the Apostle Peter addresses husbands here, the admonishment is relevant for both spouses as well as amongst friends and acquaintances.

To start off with, let me deal with this section in 1 Peter 3:7 “giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel” (KJV) or, “the woman as [physically] the weaker” (Amplified Translation). To many 21st Century women this statement is outdated and in many ways offensive; even trying to make it a bit more palatable by adding the word ‘physically’ as the Amplified Translation, still does not cut it.

Granted there are biological differences, different hormone, testosterone levels, and all that, but in all of history it can be seen that women have often pulled their equal weight to men, sometimes even more, whether it is in the military, professionally, in sport, and in the home front. Women at times can be stronger physically (childbirth ?), mentally and emotionally than men. I do not wish to get into a who’s stronger or weaker debate here, as that is not the issue; and I believe, personally that this was not the issue to Peter when he wrote that admonition. I believe it was typical Bible ‘shorthand’ for we have all our unique strengths and weaknesses.

These strengths and weaknesses are expressed either in character, personality and mind-intellectually or skills traits, or physically, plus there are unique combinations of them in all of us, as well as being accentuated differently in various cultural and societal settings.

Bottom line: We are all uniquely different – where you are strong, I may be weak – where you are weak, I may be strong. We need to learn to complement each other by maximising our strengths and managing our weaknesses. We need to learn to be smart and intelligent in our loving, and the way we express our needs to be loved.

The key word here is: Treat your spouse, your friend, your relative, acquaintance, neighbour, …. with understanding, according to knowledge.
…. And that is the topic for this particular post.

Let’s look at another bit of Bible ‘shorthand’ which will further unpack that mystery of ‘loving and not being loved back’: The so-called ‘Golden Rule’

“Do to others as you would have them do to you” – Luke 6:31 (NIV)

Applying the ‘Golden Rule’ without knowledge and understanding has led to much heartache and frustration.

The notion of what I would love, cherish and dearly desire to have, or be treated, surely would bless and enrich someone else the same way, is one of the biggest misnomers in relationships and friendships.

Think of a classic: could you think of anything less romantic than a husband giving his wife some DIY tools for her birthday? (Now, to some ladies this is genuinely romantic!)

We smile reading that, but actually most of us have been guilty of doing the same thing in our communication with love.

Think about another classic. The woman withdraws; she is licking some wounds or nurturing some hurt. Her man asks, ‘what’s the matter?’, her reply, ‘Nothing!!!’. What is typically his response? He either sighs or grumbles to himself and then leaves her space to sort herself out …. after all, isn’t that they way he would prefer to be treated … to be given space, be left alone to mull things over, to get a strategy to fix what is bothering him?

Meanwhile she thinks, ‘he just doesn’t care!’ … ‘if he really loved me he would ….’

What she might need at that moment in time is emotional support. She may not want to be given space nor him stepping into a questioning and problem-solving mode, but rather been shown support by him just listening with empathy, being fully present to her with confidence, humour and love.

But what means love to her … to him … to you? Do you know? How well do you know yourself, what makes you tick, what makes you feel loved, treasured or cherished?

Most people I work with think they know, but few have genuinely explored themselves. Even worse I find with Christians who like to hide inside a religious-culture acceptable one-size-fits-all bag of being a nice Christian, who can quote all the relevant scriptures of who they are in Christ, it’s no longer ‘I’ but Him, and then scream blue murder if a fellow Christian steps on their toes (or slip into a martyr victim mode …).

You see every person is uniquely different as to how they feel loved; everyone has their own uniquely different needs and values. Whether you know them consciously or not, they are there, and you feel it when those needs are not met. When we don’t know our own needs and values accurately, we then cannot communicate them to others who equally may not know theirs.

It’s like two people talking in different languages and not even be aware of it.

women friends talking - cropped Taking language as an analogy, I have experienced this dilemma many times myself. I am German and I am fluent in both languages, English and German. There are times, especially when I happen to be in the company of people from both nations that I am not conscious which language I am talking in, I am only aware that I am communicating a message.

I recall a humorous incident when we had dinner guests (English speaking) in our home, and I was chatting with a German friend in the kitchen whilst preparing the food. There came a time when I walked into the living room to announce to our guests “Dinner is being served” (in German). The reply was, “Pardon, what??” (in English). Assuming that I may have mumbled, I now said it louder and more pronounced, “Dinner is being served” (still in German).

This is what often happens in relationships when couples shout their unmet needs at each other in a mismatched language tirade.

What is the answer to this dilemma? The Golden Rule, or should I say the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they want done unto them …..  the way they want to be treated … in other words, speak their love language.

I mentioned earlier that we need to learn to apply the Golden Rule with knowledge and understanding. Ask yourself. ‘How do I want to be treated? Is that the same as my spouse or whosoever in front of me wants to be treated?

One other thing needs to be understood, apart from knowing the different love languages, needs and values we all have, we also need to understand that there are ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ times when we express them to each other.

women friends talking on phone Again, I am using an example out of my own life. Being a typical female I thoroughly enjoy marathon chats of several hours with my other female friends. We go on rabbit trails, leaving a thought to jump to a totally different one, only to pick up that original thought half an hour later. One thing sparks off another. Nobody is even aware of the time just spent; we would just be in a flow of communication beyond words…. for hours on end.

However by the same token, especially when I work I like to be undisturbed and can get into a real ‘hermit mode’. I like focus and to be immersed in what I am doing. The last thing I want to see or hear is one of my friends call in to settle for a chat. The “Hi! Yes, I’m fine, thank you, I am busy” seems cruel and uncaring, especially when we have not talked tor days or weeks.

Added to this is another issue: Working hours. Either they work normal office hours from 9-5, then think everyone else does so too, or they are retired from work. My office is at home, and although I am flexible, I work very odd hours, but I still have to put in the hours and more! As a personal consultant I either work with people at a mutually convenient place, or via the internet or phone on a global scale – meaning the time difference between London UK, USA or Australia will need to be considered. Plus I am working on my book.

There are times when I would want to chat, but because of the workload I chose not to, when I appear very anti social with my friends for longer periods of time, when seemingly I am not returning love to them, or ignoring them. There are times when my friends want to shower me with love, but it feels like they are taking energy from me, because I will have to stop what I am doing and then focus on them.

In this quest to love intelligently – or smart , there are times, when especially our female friends need to realize that they should not take it personally when the other party is focused and engulfed in a mission.
They are not less loved and less treasured when for example their man is in a binary mode, totally focused,  absorbed and immersed with a task at hand in his reality of the moment.

What do you do to make your needs known when you need a dose of loving? Well, I shall deal with that in another post. Watch the space.

For now:
Be aware of the timing of the moment, and then apply the Platinum Rule of Love with knowledge and understanding.

Lovingly in Him,

Geli

________________________________
© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved

Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feedback!


God bless!

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR BLOG POST IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

The Journey Of Intimacy – Angelika Regina Heimann BSc( Hons), MSc BPsych, is a NLP Practitioner, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.

Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions.

To read more articles and personal diary posts go to The Journey Of Intimacy Blog

Spread a Smile

Thursday, 18 June,2009

I really think that we can look for smiles in any situation, it just depends how we look at them. Sometimes it’s good to share a smile with friends, loved ones … and enemies, who have a momentary challenge with smiling.

Share your smiles with others, it can be a little video clip, a heartwarming anecdote, a sweet joke (only clean ones, please), an endearing picture / photo …. anything that speads a little sunshine in the lives of others.

Here are some lovely quotes:

• Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. Mark Twain
• And through the tears, we’ll smile when we recall, we had it all for just a moment. – St. Elmo’s Fire
• No smile is as beautiful as the one that struggles through the tears.
• A smile is a light in the window of the soul, indicating that the heart is at home.
• Smile, it’s the second best thing one can do with one’s lips.
• Brighten the world with your smile.
• A smile costs nothing, but gives much.
• A smile is a little curve that sets a lot of things straight.
• What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. Joseph Addison
• A smile can open a heart faster than a key can open a door.
• Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
• A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. – Phyllis Diller
• Everyone smiles in the same language. – Author Unknown
• If you don’t have a smile, I’ll give you one of mine. – Author Unknown
• I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful. – Author Unknown
• Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. – Mother Teresa
• It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown. – Author Unknown
• Peace begins with a smile. – Mother Teresa

Joyfully,

Geli

Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feedback!


God bless!

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR BLOG POST IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

The Journey Of Intimacy – Angelika Regina Heimann BSc( Hons), MSc BPsych, is a NLP Practitioner, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.

Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions.

To read more articles and personal diary posts go to The Journey Of Intimacy Blog