The Unveiled Private Journal – Who’s Angelika, anyway? And How did it all start?

(If you’re following the Personal Diary please read this post first!)

What is intimacy? How do you define intimacy for Yourself?

Intimacy (Wikipedia) “generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of entering deeply or closely into relationship through knowledge and experience of the other….”

But what does it actually mean to you, personally?

I tend to characterize intimacy as more than just physical ‘bedroom’ intimacy, it spans much further to me. In many ways my interactions with other humans during my life, from the time I was born till now, is a whole big book full of events that gave ‘intimacy’ meaning … or better, I gave meaning to those.

Not all of those were what I would describe as favourable or enjoyable, but in the final analysis, these were all junctions or highlights in my life where I had an opportunity to learn and grow. Actually I am still learning and growing and plan to so for the rest of my life.

As you will have seen from the title in this blog, I am a psychologist as well as an ordained minister, and over many years in pastoral counselling and giving clients consultations, my heartbeat has been to enrich and empower couples and individuals, especially in the nitty gritty of intimate relationships including the bedroom.

I am not a clinical psychologist, nor a counsellor. I see myself as a mentor, consultant and friend. My University degrees/qualifications are in the field of psychology and business/organizational psychology where I specialized in team and leadership relationships. Interestingly enough, a lot of the principles and concepts in the business or organizational environment do map over very neatly onto personal intimate relationships. Actually, for one of my dissertations I researched on the main factors contributing to happiness in long-term marriages.

So often, as a professional, one is perceived or regarded as having it all together; after all, being the advice giver or the facilitator to other’s wellbeing necessitates a certain air of being above those seeking help, in many people’s opinions. The truth is, that this is and yet isn’t necessarily the case.

For starters, as implied before, professionals are also mere humans, too, who continuously need to learn and grow in their personal lives.

In my own work with people and couples there were many times, unbeknownst to them, I was helping them during a season of my own brokenness and working through my own pain. When I encouraged, assisted precious couples or individuals in their healing process, and was able to see them flourish, there were times when I myself was dying inside, my own internal buckets of tears were running over. But because I have been there, because I experienced the devastating pain of abuse and death threats, neglect and seeming emptiness, feeling I had nothing more to give and life was not worth living anymore, I was able to have the level of compassion that no textbook can provide. Touched by the need of those in front of me it became my unspeakable joy to help them become their own very best whilst extending empathy with unconditional regard.

Life is a mixed bag. Just as I have experienced situations in my life for which I had to find new and positive meanings and search for reasons to smile, I have also had such unbelievably beautiful times which far outweigh all the others. Deep gratitude and genuine love is the only way I can describe that residing notion and feeling in my heart!

When it comes to sexual preferences and deviations, in my role as a psychosexual educator, I can truthfully say, “I’ve just about heard it all, nothing shocks me anymore”. I sat down and listened to the life stories of prostitutes, dominatrixes, folk involved in the fetish world, sex addicts, etc. My mission in life is not to fix people; I leave this to other professionals. My mission in life is to assist those, who so desire, to be the best and the most happy they want to be, to bring hope, joy and bliss into their life and their families.

The reason I decided to start this ‘unveiled’ blog talking about my own journey of intimacy, is to bring hope to those who may relate to some of my stories, encouragement, and maybe a bit of humour.

My male readers might find some sections inspiring, and certainly get some understanding on some of the more ‘mysterious’ ways of women ….

In this Journal I dip into my diary entries spanning over 40 years (phew that really just about gives my age away, especially considering that I was not exactly an
early starter ….).

Over those 40 years, I was married for 17 years, had long term and short term relationships (longest 9 years).

You will not find me winging and whining and complaining, simply because every single situation brought me precious opportunities to learn some very valuable lessons I am most grateful for.

I have changed as a human being for the better, because of them. There are times I needed to make some important distinctions so that the meaning I attached to situations and instances would be positive and thus benefit me in my personal growth. Certainly something that you will get to read about in my writing.

Although I am candid about my own feelings, failings and joy, I am obligated to protect all those people who have given me an opportunity to grow, who have blessed me and challenged me with their wisdom, pleasure and bliss.

For this reason I have created a hypothetical, fictional man-intimate partner-husband who is an amalgamation, a summary, of my own real life actual significant relationships, including marriage.

I will combine aspects from these, my own real personal relationship experiences with those learnt from many other couples/men I worked with in consulting situations.

For the sake of confidentiality and to protect the identity of individuals, I shall call this collective blend intimate partner/husband “SeasonMan”. Thus it is pointless to try to identify any particular person, however much it might be like ‘him’ or ‘him’. This fictional person, although derived and combined from real life people and real life situations, is blended to illustrate concepts and to provide relatable examples.

When I dip into the past and open up, as it were, my old diary entries, I will omit any time references, thus it will be impossible to construct a potential era in order to try and figure out who it actually was. You will read about episodes from any time, from my teenage years onwards, mixed up in any order. Although the cartoon picture I assigned to “SeasonMan” is that of a young man, it does not denote any particular age. Maturity, experience and wisdom is not dependent on the chronological age of a person.

The next person I want to introduce you to is “GalPal”. Just like “SeasonMan”, “GalPal” is a combined fictional person made up of my actual, real female friends, including my very own daughter who is literally one of my best friends in my life.

“GalPal” represents a number of female friends of various age groups, and from different nationalities over the many years. Female friends who love me enough to call me on my own BS if necessary, who challenge me when my judgement and perception of the world goes adrift and I need some more growing up to do … and who love me enough to be there for me when I am broken and in the dumps, to stand with me, pray for me, and extend a tender and loving hand to get me back up again.

Finally, there is “MentorFriend”. Just like the previous two, “MentorFriend” is a combined fictional person of real and actual men, male friends and real mentors in my life who had to put up with my relentless interest and curiosity about understanding the male psyche. Who taught me and continue to teach me about how they feel about certain interactions with women like no textbook could or boyfriend/husband would dare to say. There are many times where I found/find the wisdom of those men invaluable.

Apart from actually physically sitting down and talking with some of these men for hours on end, or they graciously give me their time on telephone conversations, where they answer my question and help me understand things out of their own life, marriages and relationships, I have also conducted researches. So all of this is collectively portrayed in “MentorFriend”.

It is my desire that all that I have learned so far in my life on my own personal Journey of Intimacy will be an inspiration to you my dear reader.

Well, it’s not all lessons to be learnt, I also wish to amuse you and titilate with some anecdotes, some are humorous, others are, well …..deliciously intimate …. I am hoping to have more of them and in greater bliss measures when I am married again ….

Live life with Love and Passion,

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© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann, The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved

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Please Note: Disclaimer

All characters in this blog, The Unveiled Private Journal, are entirely fictitional  composites, and any resemblance to any one particular person living or dead is purely coincidental.

Nothing above, or any other writing anywhere on this blog is intended to be a diagnosis, prescription, recommendation, or cure for any specific kind of medical, psychological, emotional or sexual problem. Angelika Regina Heimann shall not be held responsible for any opinions acts or deeds expressed or implied on this site/blog.

Please see a qualified practitioner, physician or therapist for further help.

Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feed-back!

God bless!

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR BLOG POST IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

The Journey Of Intimacy – Angelika Regina Heimann BSc( Hons), MSc BPsych, is a NLP Practitioner, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.

Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions.

To read more articles and personal diary posts go to The Journey Of Intimacy Blog