We need 4 hugs a day for survival.
We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.
We need 12 hugs a day for growth
—Virginia Satir, family therapist
I am a very huggy, touchy, sensual tactile person and love to put my hands and arms around anyone anything that moves or doesn’t move. My hands have a natural tendency to explore textures, hold things, caress, tenderly stroke, massage, play with things … oh yes, I guess, not surprisingly, I have a healing anointing in and through my hands.
One of the areas I absolutely love to minister in is prophetic healing touch.
What is prophetic healing touch, you ask? Well, basically when I am praying and ministering to someone I invite the Spirit of God to lead me to move my hands towards ’safe’ areas where they need healing in their bodies … safe as perceived by the person I am ministering to.
Sometimes that means that I do not actually touch them and just let my hands hover over that area. Sometimes I am led to embrace and hold the person like mother would with a small child. I am normally very quiet and gentle when I minister to people like that, as I am relying on the Holy Spirit to do His work. Invariably the person experiences some sort of a release often with tears and then joy.
OK, let me explain what is happening here, or rather, how I understand what is happening here.
Quite a number of people have experienced trauma in their lives, including sexual abuse and domestic violence. I will describe in another blog post some of the coping mechanisms such victims live with; else this one gets too long.
For this particular blog post, let me point out some very interesting scientific research with growing verification that neurobiological responses to trauma are stored as trauma memory in the body, even down to the cells.
These body memories continue long after the abuse occurred. Invariably the victim is not even aware of this until it is triggered by some seemingly harmless, non-related incident, when, to the surprise of others, that former victim completely over- reacts or totally freezes.
The reason is that commonly a trauma victim, especially if they experienced sexual abuse or violence as a child, will disassociate that ‘reality’ from their conscious experience memory, building coping patterns and continue with other areas in their life. In other words, it’s like the effect of the trauma does not exist for them, it’s cut off from their daily life, yet shows up when it is least desired.
No matter how much they convince themselves, may even go to psychotherapy – talk therapy – the ugly effects just linger on.
Basically it is important to realise that we are dealing with an invisible body wound, a soul-body wound that needs healing like a physical body wound.
Because the body was central to the trauma, it is now also central to the healing process.
Let me explain a bit more. In sexual abuse, clearly the body is implicated; it is assaulted, its value warped, it is used and abused, boundaries trashed, resulting in pain and confusing sexual responses, or dissociative absence. The joy, comfort and ease with his or her body were, in a sense, stolen. A permanent body wound resulted requiring a combined healing to resolve the body trauma issues.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this writing, I am a huggy touchy person and the church environment is just so perfect for me to throw my arms around everyone that walks through the doors.
Some years ago I was astounded by an unexpected reaction by someone in the congregation. They froze, pulled back and point blank told me, “don’t hug me and don’t touch me!”
Back then, I really did not know what to make of this. I mean, did my breath smell? Did I stink? … or what?? I must have looked ever so puzzled, but the person in question was unable to explain. Later I had similar incidents, but they were gracious to just indicate to me that it was not my breath smelling …
As my ministry calling directed me more and more into the field of intimacy especially sexual intimacy between couples, and have been ministering for years confidentially in that area, I, at times, found various Pandora ’s boxes and cans-of-worms opening. Thus, I pressed (and keep pressing) into the Lord to give me further understanding and insight.
Do I still make mistakes and throw my arms around people, unknowingly pointing them to their scars? I have to admit, yes I do, but I have learnt to become more sensitive with my hugging. There are some people who much rather not be hugged and touched in a social setting, and only God’s power especially in healing tough will set them free.
Now, there is actually a flip side to this.
As a backlash to abuse and their aversion to touch, it will leave some victims touch-deprived, and actually yearn for a strong, warm and heartfelt hug and to be held for long enough for their comfort.
How do we dissolve this hugging dilemma? Be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, then approach them respectfully, if necessary ask, “Is it ok to give you a hug?” And if they say yes, then hug them from your heart. They’ll need it, and it will be healing to them.
I shall finish this writing with the following food for thoughts:
How to Hug
Hugging may sound like the simplest thing on earth, but it will help to keep a few things in mind. Non-hugs are no good.
I. The A-frame hug, in which nothing but the huggers’ heads touch.
2. The half-hug, where the huggers’ upper bodies touch—while the other half twists away.
3. The chest-to-chest burp, in which the huggers pat each other on the back, defusing the physical contact by treating each other like infants being burped.
4. The wallet-rub, in which two people stand side-by-side and touch hips.
5. The jock-twirl, in which the hugger, who is stronger or bigger, lifts the other person off the ground and twirls him.
6. The violating hug, in which one hugger grinds into the genital area of the other and tries fondling their behind. With non-intimate people this is classified as violating, abusive and a sexual harassment.
The real thing, the full body hug, touches all the bases. The two people coming together take time to really look at each other. There is no evasion or ignoring that they are about to hug… You try as hard as you can to personalize and customize each hug you give… With a full body hug there is a sense of complete giving and fearless. Communication, one uncomplicated by words.
It is the attitude that is important. It need not be a full, frontal hug. It could be sideways.
Important:
Politely ask, “Would you like a hug?” Rushing up to someone assuming they would want a hug is disrespectful.
It’s ok to say no to a hug; and do not feel offended if someone says ‘no’ to you!
Many people do not like their personal space to be invaded. Still others may feel too vulnerable at times to like to be touched.
Many people feel embarrassed or uncomfortable when hugged, but still give it a try, because they are bound to feel good afterwards and may even feel grateful to you.
When you feel the need to be hugged, ask for one.
And don’t forget to thank the other, just be respectful and honourig to each other.
It only takes a hug, a heartfelt and warm embrace, to change the lives of others. Try it, it works.
…. And smile while you do it,
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© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved
Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feed-back!
God bless!
Either in workshops or when couples come to me for help, I coach them on various levels uniquely to their needs. Invariably the question comes up from the husband, “How do I relax my wife to the point where she will want to completely melt into bliss?”
My advice is always, take your time and thoroughly get to know each other and especially yourself. Women, but also men, tend to disconnect with their bodies in the daily humdrum of a hectic busy life. Lovemaking is usually rushed. Both kinda get a little of what they want … he gets a release, she experiences some cuddles for the romantic closeness she craves, and that’s it … till next time. Usually someone misses out and thinks ‘what’s the point of it all?!’ … well, that tends to be the woman….
Now, I fully realise that there are millions of highly satisfied wives out there, who could not be happier in their lovemaking with their hubbies!
Not all happily married couples need help and advice to get things out of a rut between the sheets; some just want to take things to higher levels of bliss in their lovemaking, and it’s those who come to me to seek advice.
There is so much I could share here out of years of working with couples and individuals which I will reserve for the book I am writing.
So, here on this blog, I will feature some little snippets and taster ideas and tips. More blog posts to come with that theme.
Let me start off with a massage. Most people like massages and it’s such a wonderful way to relax and connect with the body.
People tend to forget about their bodies, they become like vehicles that get them from A to B during the day. It gets cleaned up, fed, dressed, maybe it gets the benefit of physical exercises, but that’s more or less it. Then when it comes to lovemaking it’s just a quick genital action.
There is so much more that could be enjoyed. God created us with thousands of nerve endings that register pleasure, not just pain. The pain bit, unfortunately, we are all too familiar with, but the pleasure all over the body is seldom explored.
A warning to husbands, when you think you understand your wife’s body and what feels good to her, and you think you know that you know what ‘buttons to press’, you may find that she gets irritated and you’re thinking, ‘I can never please that woman’.
The beauty of a truly feminine woman is that each time you go on a new adventure with her. Different times of the day, or month she will feel differently. The more you explore and deeply enter into a discovery trail with her, the more it will enrich your life.
In fact the longer you’re married the more exciting, passionate and fulfilling it gets …. provided you know what to do, have the right attitude and love her the way she personally and very uniquely needs and desires to be loved. Yep, genuine love is the key ingredient here, else it all becomes just empty, meaningless techniques, and futile skills mastery, especially in the long run.
Let’s talk about this delicious massage.
It always helps to have a nice ambiance, e.g. music, candles, etc.
Now, I suggest you do that massage in three stages: 1st dry, 2nd feather, and 3rd oil.
The dry massage is very gentle, almost hovering with your hands without tickling, plus add some gentle tapping with your fingers (think rain drops all over her body playing a delicate and yet passionate piano overture). That prepares the nerve cells in the skin for the feather massage.
Without stage one, the dry massage, the feather would tickle badly and irritate, however if you’ve gently prepared the skin nerve cells, the feather will feel exquisite. (if it tickles, you did not prepare that area well enough). You can extend the feather massage by using some gently perfumed body talc.
Here is a picture of the feather fan I use to teach couples this section.
Don’t rush things. Take your time to explore with different sensations. Then move onto the essential oil massage.
In all that you do, explore and get to know her body … well, she might not even know her body that well herself, so let her tell you, either by verbally saying yes or no, by her almost imperceptibly withdraw away from your hand or press into your hand, or by her gentle moans of pleasure.
If you like, you can request that lovely treatment from her to you.
Enjoy!
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© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved
Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feed-back!
God bless!
Let me say this right off the bat; I am neither a nutritionist nor a urologist, I am a psychologist. However I have had decades of interest and studying some nutrition, and have a science background. Not only do I have two science degrees, but I also grew up in a home where my father was a scientist and my mother a pharmacist. With that in mind I am going to share with you some highlights from a client, let’s call him, Peter, who trusted me enough to let me work with him on those issues, and as a result got his blood sugar levels near to normal and is enjoying a satisfying love life.
Peter has been a diabetic for years and is on medication (metformin), rather than insulin injections. Peter is also a businessman who travels internationally, holding crucial organisational meetings with decision makers either in boardrooms or in hotel bars, and generally living a stressful life where he used abuse his body eating airline, hotel, and other convenience foods.
When he was diagnosed with diabetes, he tried to watch his food. He reported back that his love-life with his wife started to fluctuate, sometimes the potency was ok, and at other times it certainly was not and he knew he was going down the impotency trail.
Know your own body!
There is something I find amazing with most people who are diabetic. They take their meds; go for their monthly or any other regular blood sugar check-ups, and try to be ‘good’ especially the days before the doctor’s appointments. Meanwhile their libido goes downhill.
If it is a man, quite often the times he has intercourse with his wife will become more infrequent. It’s an odd age, either she is glad that the ‘raging beast’ finally gives her peace, or she has come to a point that she now wants it more and, frustratingly, he is now not interested ….. Ok that is another subject I will deal elsewhere, as it has both psychological and medical implications.
Going back to diabetes and impotency, it is not enough to just go for regular doctor’s appointments!
Let’s say, if a man goes for his monthly check-ups. The day he has his blood sugar levels checked, he may have been very ‘good’ and the results are acceptable to the doctor. What this man does not realise is that during that month the blood sugar levels can fluctuate dramatically, and during the ‘unknown’ high times, a lot of damage is done. So, on the day of the appointment it appears to be fine, when actually it isn’t!
So, the serious minded man will do three things to get to know his own body:
1. Study his body
2. Get regular exercises
3. Check his potency as often as possible (a willing wife is helpful with this …. but then I will be shall sharing more on how to make your wife feel oh so good, she will be asking for more).
Let’s look at point 1.
All food is not created equal. Your body is unique and will metabolise foods uniquely differently to other people, although, certain principles apply across the board.
You are also a package deal in terms of what stresses you negatively, may invigorate someone else. Negative stress also increases the blood sugar levels, as do anxiety, anger, frustration …. and argument with the spouse, uncertain business deals, etc.
It’s time to log everything about you and study your own body like if it was a laboratory rat! Seriously, NO JOKE!!
Get yourself a blood sugar testing kit, one that gets you to test all your finger tips (well, you would not want to prick he same finger several times a day?!).
For the intensive testing period, stick with a plain food menu that is repeated, thus you should get a reasonably constant reading.
Then introduce one of food type at a time, and check the blood sugar level 2 hours after eating (peak time) – it’s all about getting to know YOUR body!
You will thus find certain foods throw your results off the charts, and others get it below.
Make a note and log it all!
Also make a note if you had any stressful occasions, it may be the stress rather than the food item that threw it off. You will start to see a very useful pattern that will help you to see where and how to do adjustments.
Once you know your body and what foods work best for you, you can then reduce the tests to once a day, in the morning. Still, log everything in a book and a chart.
Back to my client Peter, he was very seriously minded and willing to do whatever it took to manage his blood sugar and regain some of his potency. Sure, it was not like when he was in his 20’s and 30’s when he had full control over body during lovemaking, but he was nonetheless very pleased with the results of what I had advised him to do.
First of all he cut out most, if not all, of the starchy processed carbohydrates and focused on so-called low GI foods, foods with high fibre content.
My preferred recommendation for him is raw, completely uncooked and unprocessed vegetables, as it is living food, and the enzymes in raw foods are destroyed by the heat in the cooking process.
Enzymes are needed to break down food, aid the immune system and metabolism, so that the body can effortlessly assimilate its nutrients.
Enzymes are vital to the healing process in the body. No matter how many vitamins you pop, they will not benefit you that much if they had not been ‘worked on’ by enzymes!
Pasteurized fruit juice, for example, remains fresh for long shelf life because the enzymes have been destroyed by heat. So it is pointless to drink pasteurized vegetable or fruit juices out of cartons and think you’re doing something good for your body! There is no space here to go into details about the benefits of living raw foods and enzyme activities.
I recommended that he would gradually introduce more and more of his vegetables raw. Why? Well, as I said, I am not a medical doctor and I do know that with some people who have abused their bodies for years, their digestive systems are too weak to digest raw vegetables despite all their natural enzymes. So, just in case, I wanted Peter’s body to build up gradually to eating a maximum of raw veggies.
He found out, for example, that eating carrots raw gave him good results, whereas cooking them was like eating sugar cubes, to him.
Thankfully, Peter is a hobby cook, and his wife is a very enthusiastic and dab hand at cooking, too.
First thing, adding to their food processor, they bought themselves a juicing machine and started juicing their raw vegetables.
With juicing you will lose some of the fibre, but if you drink your vegetable juice within 15 minutes, you’ll benefit from all the enzymes, vitamins and minerals as if you were munching them.
They then set out to become very creative making all sorts of interesting dips and sauces out of raw veggies with herbs, spices, apple cider vinegar and virgin olive oil, etc. to add to their chunked up raw veggies and quality cooked lean proteins.
They also learned how to add cinnamon to meals, enjoy a little dark chocolate with very high percentage of cocoa and as little sugar as he could stand; plus get out into the sunshine as much as possible to get adequate vitamin D, and other resourceful and creative ways of enjoying a new lifestyle.
He reported back that their love-life had also picked up considerably! He noticed that whenever his blood sugar was high the inevitable ‘droop’ occurred; it was directly related. In fact he could judge by his potency whether or not his blood sugar was high.
Now, it was not easy to implement all this, especially when he was on business trips. He had to learn to do forward thinking and use a lot of discipline to say ‘no’ to some foods and snacks he used to enjoy and everyone around him ate.
However, the result has been greater energy and a very satisfying intimate time with his wife. He thinks it is worth all the effort.
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© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved
Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feed-back!
God bless!
———-
Please Note: Disclaimer
Nothing above is intended to be a diagnosis, prescription, recommendation, or cure for any specific kind of medical, psychological, emotional or sexual problem.
Please see a qualified practitioner, physician or therapist for further help.
“I’m loving people, show them love but they don’t love me back. Why?”
I was recently challenged by a friend.
“Why! No email, no message, not even a phone call!”
I could hear the frustration and the pain. Actually, this plea is not uncommon, and I hear it quite often in one way or another when I work with couples especially.
1 Peter 3:7 comes to mind:
“… husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honour them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.” (The Message)
“Treat your wife with understanding” (NLT)
or
“according to knowledge” (KJV)
“ … you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition” (Amplified Translation)
Although the Apostle Peter addresses husbands here, the admonishment is relevant for both spouses as well as amongst friends and acquaintances.
To start off with, let me deal with this section in 1 Peter 3:7 “giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel” (KJV) or, “the woman as [physically] the weaker” (Amplified Translation). To many 21st Century women this statement is outdated and in many ways offensive; even trying to make it a bit more palatable by adding the word ‘physically’ as the Amplified Translation, still does not cut it.
Granted there are biological differences, different hormone, testosterone levels, and all that, but in all of history it can be seen that women have often pulled their equal weight to men, sometimes even more, whether it is in the military, professionally, in sport, and in the home front. Women at times can be stronger physically (childbirth ?), mentally and emotionally than men. I do not wish to get into a who’s stronger or weaker debate here, as that is not the issue; and I believe, personally that this was not the issue to Peter when he wrote that admonition. I believe it was typical Bible ‘shorthand’ for we have all our unique strengths and weaknesses.
These strengths and weaknesses are expressed either in character, personality and mind-intellectually or skills traits, or physically, plus there are unique combinations of them in all of us, as well as being accentuated differently in various cultural and societal settings.
Bottom line: We are all uniquely different – where you are strong, I may be weak – where you are weak, I may be strong. We need to learn to complement each other by maximising our strengths and managing our weaknesses. We need to learn to be smart and intelligent in our loving, and the way we express our needs to be loved.
The key word here is: Treat your spouse, your friend, your relative, acquaintance, neighbour, …. with understanding, according to knowledge.
…. And that is the topic for this particular post.
Let’s look at another bit of Bible ‘shorthand’ which will further unpack that mystery of ‘loving and not being loved back’: The so-called ‘Golden Rule’
“Do to others as you would have them do to you” - Luke 6:31 (NIV)
Applying the ‘Golden Rule’ without knowledge and understanding has led to much heartache and frustration.
The notion of what I would love, cherish and dearly desire to have, or be treated, surely would bless and enrich someone else the same way, is one of the biggest misnomers in relationships and friendships.
Think of a classic: could you think of anything less romantic than a husband giving his wife some DIY tools for her birthday? (Now, to some ladies this is genuinely romantic!)
We smile reading that, but actually most of us have been guilty of doing the same thing in our communication with love.
Think about another classic. The woman withdraws; she is licking some wounds or nurturing some hurt. Her man asks, ‘what’s the matter?’, her reply, ‘Nothing!!!’. What is typically his response? He either sighs or grumbles to himself and then leaves her space to sort herself out …. after all, isn’t that they way he would prefer to be treated … to be given space, be left alone to mull things over, to get a strategy to fix what is bothering him?
Meanwhile she thinks, ‘he just doesn’t care!’ … ‘if he really loved me he would ….’
What she might need at that moment in time is emotional support. She may not want to be given space nor him stepping into a questioning and problem-solving mode, but rather been shown support by him just listening with empathy, being fully present to her with confidence, humour and love.
But what means love to her … to him … to you? Do you know? How well do you know yourself, what makes you tick, what makes you feel loved, treasured or cherished?
Most people I work with think they know, but few have genuinely explored themselves. Even worse I find with Christians who like to hide inside a religious-culture acceptable one-size-fits-all bag of being a nice Christian, who can quote all the relevant scriptures of who they are in Christ, it’s no longer ‘I’ but Him, and then scream blue murder if a fellow Christian steps on their toes (or slip into a martyr victim mode …).
You see every person is uniquely different as to how they feel loved; everyone has their own uniquely different needs and values. Whether you know them consciously or not, they are there, and you feel it when those needs are not met. When we don’t know our own needs and values accurately, we then cannot communicate them to others who equally may not know theirs.
It’s like two people talking in different languages and not even be aware of it.
Taking language as an analogy, I have experienced this dilemma many times myself. I am German and I am fluent in both languages, English and German. There are times, especially when I happen to be in the company of people from both nations that I am not conscious which language I am talking in, I am only aware that I am communicating a message.
I recall a humorous incident when we had dinner guests (English speaking) in our home, and I was chatting with a German friend in the kitchen whilst preparing the food. There came a time when I walked into the living room to announce to our guests “Dinner is being served” (in German). The reply was, “Pardon, what??” (in English). Assuming that I may have mumbled, I now said it louder and more pronounced, “Dinner is being served” (still in German).
This is what often happens in relationships when couples shout their unmet needs at each other in a mismatched language tirade.
What is the answer to this dilemma? The Golden Rule, or should I say the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they want done unto them ….. the way they want to be treated … in other words, speak their love language.
I mentioned earlier that we need to learn to apply the Golden Rule with knowledge and understanding. Ask yourself. ‘How do I want to be treated? Is that the same as my spouse or whosoever in front of me wants to be treated?
One other thing needs to be understood, apart from knowing the different love languages, needs and values we all have, we also need to understand that there are ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ times when we express them to each other.
Again, I am using an example out of my own life. Being a typical female I thoroughly enjoy marathon chats of several hours with my other female friends. We go on rabbit trails, leaving a thought to jump to a totally different one, only to pick up that original thought half an hour later. One thing sparks off another. Nobody is even aware of the time just spent; we would just be in a flow of communication beyond words…. for hours on end.
However by the same token, especially when I work I like to be undisturbed and can get into a real ‘hermit mode’. I like focus and to be immersed in what I am doing. The last thing I want to see or hear is one of my friends call in to settle for a chat. The “Hi! Yes, I’m fine, thank you, I am busy” seems cruel and uncaring, especially when we have not talked tor days or weeks.
Added to this is another issue: Working hours. Either they work normal office hours from 9-5, then think everyone else does so too, or they are retired from work. My office is at home, and although I am flexible, I work very odd hours, but I still have to put in the hours and more! As a personal consultant I either work with people at a mutually convenient place, or via the internet or phone on a global scale – meaning the time difference between London UK, USA or Australia will need to be considered. Plus I am working on my book.
There are times when I would want to chat, but because of the workload I chose not to, when I appear very anti social with my friends for longer periods of time, when seemingly I am not returning love to them, or ignoring them. There are times when my friends want to shower me with love, but it feels like they are taking energy from me, because I will have to stop what I am doing and then focus on them.
In this quest to love intelligently – or smart , there are times, when especially our female friends need to realize that they should not take it personally when the other party is focused and engulfed in a mission.
They are not less loved and less treasured when for example their man is in a binary mode, totally focused, absorbed and immersed with a task at hand in his reality of the moment.
What do you do to make your needs known when you need a dose of loving? Well, I shall deal with that in another post. Watch the space.
For now:
Be aware of the timing of the moment, and then apply the Platinum Rule of Love with knowledge and understanding.
Lovingly in Him,
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© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved
Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feedback!
God bless!
I really think that we can look for smiles in any situation, it just depends how we look at them. Sometimes it’s good to share a smile with friends, loved ones … and enemies, who have a momentary challenge with smiling.
Share your smiles with others, it can be a little video clip, a heartwarming anecdote, a sweet joke (only clean ones, please), an endearing picture / photo …. anything that speads a little sunshine in the lives of others.
Here are some lovely quotes:
• Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. Mark Twain
• And through the tears, we’ll smile when we recall, we had it all for just a moment. – St. Elmo’s Fire
• No smile is as beautiful as the one that struggles through the tears.
• A smile is a light in the window of the soul, indicating that the heart is at home.
• Smile, it’s the second best thing one can do with one’s lips.
• Brighten the world with your smile.
• A smile costs nothing, but gives much.
• A smile is a little curve that sets a lot of things straight.
• What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. Joseph Addison
• A smile can open a heart faster than a key can open a door.
• Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
• A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. – Phyllis Diller
• Everyone smiles in the same language. – Author Unknown
• If you don’t have a smile, I’ll give you one of mine. – Author Unknown
• I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful. – Author Unknown
• Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. – Mother Teresa
• It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown. – Author Unknown
• Peace begins with a smile. – Mother Teresa
Joyfully,
Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging words and great feedback!
God bless!
The other day, I dug out an old movie, “Patch Adams” with Robin Williams in a true story of Hunter ‘Patch’ Adams, a doctor afflicted with ‘excessive happiness’.
In some respects it is a feel-good movie. It is funny at times, touching, sad, controversial and thought provoking. I personally really enjoyed the film and certainly recommend it to those with an open mind.
Of course one of the main reasons why I like the film is watching the yet again brilliant performance of Robin Williams (although probably not as stunning as his performance in “Good Will Hunting”).
However, my main ‘hook’ in the film was the notion of the healing power of joy, humour and laughter.
“A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. “
- Proverbs 17:22
or like the Amplified version puts it: “A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing”.
According to the University of ‘Maryland School of Medicine’, research suggests that mental stress is correlated with impairment of the endothelium, the protective barrier lining our blood vessels, which can bring about inflammatory reactions potentially causing fat and cholesterol build-up in the coronary arteries.
Research also indicates that laughter enhances blood flow, whereas emotional states associated with stress are contributing factors to restricted blood flow in the arteries.
As laughter appears to increase the immune response and may raise the level of infection-fighting antibodies, it also raises the amount of immune cells, plus laughter diminished the secretion of the body’s stress hormones, cortisol and epinephrine, and even seems to have a beneficial effect on blood sugar levels.
That is on the medical research side, but when laughter is shared, it connects and bonds people increasing happiness and intimacy.
According to psychologist William James, “We don’t laugh because we’re happy. We’re happy because we laugh.”
I have a request, would you please share with me and other readers your favourite movies that made you feel good and gave you a good old laugh …. or even a full belly laugh?
Cheerfully,
Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging and loving words!
God bless!
It was quite a few years ago that, something like 10-15 years ago, that I went through a particularly trying time in my life. Living at the edge also meant that I was living at the edge emotionally, too; and at times found the stress and trauma totally overwhelming.
There were several incidents, during that time, whilst driving my car that I would get myself into a full-fletched stressed-out “tizz”. I am not a one that aggressively shouts and swears at other drivers, but during that time of severe testing my nerves were strained and I overreacted jumping at the slightest noise or sudden perceived threats or danger. I would tighten and close-up up on the outside but on the inside I was a mix between an automated corpse, functioning like a robot, and a wasp caught in a jam jar. My reactions and behaviour, though not aggressive and abusive, were inappropriate none-the-less.
During those times I was very grateful to my son who understood me, who understood that the only way to snap me out of that mode was to reconnect me to my intimate times with the Lord and get me into His presence.
My son loves music, a very wide variety of music, and so do I. However, during those moments he knew only one type of music would do: intimate worship.
The moment he would play that audio tape (yes that was prior to CD’s or MP3s), I uncoiled, unknotted, relaxed and started to breathe again. It was like I had turned my eyes away from the ‘wall’ and gazed into the smiling eyes of my Eternal Lover and my Heavenly Father, and I knew all was ok, again.
The analogy and story of a trainee racing driver has almost become proverbial. Apparently if for split seconds a racing driver looks at the wall, he’ll crash. The story I heard was how one trainer literally had to quickly yank the head of his trainee around so he would not look at the wall, and back on the track and his goal before him.
In our daily walk we are faced with many walls – walls of unhappiness, grief, trauma, and turmoil, walls of literal or perceived threats, losses or impending losses, the various fears we are presented with in this economic climate, or health scares we hear about …. or even when things just don’t go our way and we are facing the wall of grumpiness, or pity-party. The only hope we have of not crashing against whatever wall we face is to yank our head around and gaze at the One who is Hope, Love and Joy.
There are times when we need to snap out of our emotionally and spiritually negative state and enter into rejoicing and celebrating on purpose, by choice, and not waiting for the situation to change first.
The people in Nehemiah’s day had to learn this lesson:
9 “Nehemiah the governor, along with Ezra the priest and scholar and the Levites who were teaching the people, said to all the people, “This day is holy to God, your God. Don’t weep and carry on.” ….
10 He continued, “Go home and prepare a feast, holiday food and drink; and share it with those who don’t have anything: This day is holy to God. Don’t feel bad. The joy of God is your strength!”
12 The Levites calmed the people, “Quiet now. This is a holy day. Don’t be upset.”
12 So the people went off to feast, eating and drinking and including the poor in a great celebration. Now they got it; they understood the reading that had been given to them.” – Nehemiah 8:9-12 (The Message)
It’s quite easy to get into a pattern of fear and all that is associated with it. To disrupt that pattern, we need to first recognise that there is God, and that He is bigger than the problem we face. We also need to recognise that He calls this day, this time in our life, holy! He has decreed that this is your day and my day which is holy.
The dictionary defines ‘Holy’ as: health, salvation, happiness, sacred, whole or sound; belonging to or derived from or associated with a divine power.
God, who is Love and hope, declares that the day we are facing is whole, sound and sanctified with His divine power. As we yank our heads and eyes away from our wall and gaze at Him, we step into His reality of holiness and saving divine power, and come into agreement with this.
Next, we need to ‘feast’ and ‘celebrate’ and share it with those who don’t have anything.
This does not necessarily mean a literal feast, although it could be. Much rather, think of a smile, a loving word of encouragement or a genuine hug as something we can share it with those who don’t have anything.
There are provisions for our feasts and celebration all around us if we only chose to stop and look. Can you see the butterfly, hear the birds, or see the little flower in the crack of a pavement?
When we are in a negative state our heart closes as if to protect it, a bit like that jam jar that entrapped the madly buzzing wasp, we entrap our pain, hurt, anguish, anger, etc. thinking we can protect our heart.
When we chose to turn our heads and eyes from the ‘wall’; when we chose to open our heart and see our life as ‘holy’ gazing at Him, and celebrate with thankfulness the feast he has already provided, then it is like the lid of that jam jar is removed, that nasty wasp can fly out.
Away from the ‘wall’ and back on track, we then truly come to know that the joy of God is your strength!
“You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand. “ – Psalm 16:11 (New International Version)
Joyfully,
Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging and loving words!
God bless!
_________________________________
© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved
We don’t have an influence on who were our ancestors or even our parents. However, we can chose to honour them, extract whatever positive we might find, and then form our identity through Christ Jesus uniquely to us, our purpose and assignment…. sometimes our ancesters leave clues, unfinished business or ‘mantels’ (they carried, or should have carried) that we may need to pick up and carry to completion to the Glory of God.
Did I mention that I am German?
….. Anyway, it was a little while ago when I was on the phone with my cousin, Agathe, in Germany. For some reason during our conversation our mutual 
late grandmother popped up in our margarethe-baroness-von-luck-und-wittenconversation (the pic on here is our late grandmother, at the time of the picture – 1917, Margarethe Baroness von Luck und Witten).
Agathe mentioned, almost as a throw away remark, that our late grandma was the illegitimate child of an Earl (or Count both words translate the same into German: Graf).
Grandma’s mother, our great-grandmother, who apparently died during child birth, was an opera singer. Agathe had been left with a whole bundle of old documents when one of our aunts died, and also heard this from an elderly lady who knows the family background well. “I know about the Graf,” I said to Agathe, “my mother told me.” She was shocked that I knew when her mother had never told her. We knew that our Grandmother’s first husband was a Baron, after all, the material evidence relating to this aristocratic heritage was all around us when we grew up as kids, and of course our spinster aunts carried that name.
Somehow I had pushed all this knowledge aside as it is not relevant to my life now. But for some reason, when Agathe mentioned that, my curiosity was teased out of its hiding …. and, actually, I did not know that our great-grandma was an opera singer. (Did she sing Wagner operas? I wonder …. afterall Richard Wagner lived around that time and was a major hit in high society ….)
Now we started to dig, who exactly was this Graf? …when might it had been that grandma was born … somewhere in the mid 1880’s? “Yes, and he was the Bavarian ambassador at St. Petersburg,” Agathe added.
I know absolutely nothing about my own country’s history, I have to admit, so I found myself digging through the German Google, came across King Ludwig II of Bavaria (never heard of that guy before … now I read that he was the one who had all these fantasy castles built such as ‘Neu Schwanstein’ which inspired Walt Disney, and for a long while the King was Wagner’s patron) ….
I found myself digging on the Internet till 4am in the morning that day. Why? I was fascinated, I wanted to find out who on earth exactly was this great grandfather? I wanted to find out who my blood lineage was. I could not care less that my dear great-grandmother had an affair and wound up giving birth to my grandmother out of wedlock. It was part of my quest, ‘who am I?’
I know who I am spiritually, I am the child of the Most High God, the daughter of the King of Kings, so, why bother about some Graf who gallivanted about in different countries, and probably fathered a good many more children he neither knew nor cared about. But then, it is fascinating when people and relatives tell me, “you’re just like your grandmother, you even look like her”.
We have been woven into a rich tapestry of life which moulds so much of how we live our lives, our personality and our character.
Some time ago I read about this account of two brothers who grew up in the worst part of the Bronx in New York. Their mother was a prostitute; domestic violence was the norm in that family. Their father was either full of drugs or alcohol, in and out of jail, and finally stayed there for murder. One of the two brothers followed his father’s footsteps and also wound up in jail. His brother, however, went to school, won scholarships, became a successful lawyer, and happily married with three children. When they were interviewed and asked what caused them to become who they are, both of them gave the same reply, “Because of our father”.
It rather goes to show that it is not the circumstances that cause us to become who we are, but rather how we interpret the circumstances and live accordingly. In other words we can allow circumstances to use us, or we use circumstances. The choice is ours.
When we were born-again we received at that moment a new spirit and the force of eternal life. I am referring to eternal life not as duration of endless existence, not a time period; but life as a substance, an altered condition of our spirit.
Jesus said, “I come that they might have life.” The moment you get born-again the zoe-life, the spirit life, what is called in Hebrew the Ruach HaKodesh , His Holy Spirit, comes into you. At that moment your spirit is changed. Who you are in your recreated spirit-being is not the one you are right now as you experience yourself. Who you are, the spirit-being, is the one clothed with the resurrection body, that does not look a thing like you look now. Who you are as a spirit-being, has a new identity.
The Bible says that we have a new name. The new nature has a whole new capacity that might take ‘millions of years’, to discover and unfold to understand that aspect of you which is His image that your Father has put in you, uniquely as a that son or daughter of God. You don’t even know who you are yet, but you’re a whole lot more than you think right now.
Thus, from the spiritual aspect we need to come to know who we are by renewing our minds. From the natural perspective, we need to know who we are to make sure we are we are running our life rather than life running us.
Many of you have suffered because somebody did not see and celebrate the uniqueness in the way you were made, and wanted you to be the way they wanted you to be, and never affirmed who you actually are. You wound up with many negative reference experiences. Many of those have stuck to you like plaster.
This reminds of a rather interesting story I read many times from different sources.
In Bangkok, Thailand, is a famous golden Buddha statue that is about 900 years old.
The 3 meter tall Buddha is made up of 5.5 tons of solid gold. The statue was covered in plaster, disguised as a stone Buddha in order to save it from the Burmese who ransacked temples and plundered the gold during various wars.
Obviously, the camouflage job turned out to be too good because when those responsible for covering it with plaster died, so did the true nature of the Buddha image inside.
Two centuries after it had been first covered in plaster, it was thought to be worth very little.
But in 1957, when the statue was being moved to a new temple building in Bangkok, it slipped from a crane and was left in the mud by workmen. The covering plaster was partly broken. Only then did the people realize that it was made of pure solid gold.
I believe this is a good analogy as to who we really are; we are made of the pure solid gold of God’s design and purpose for us.
Life and living has covered many of us, disguised by pain, disappointments, failure, lost hope, that we do not even resemble who we really are.
Who is going to crack off the misleading plaster? Who’s going to have to change the program?
We are – with the help of the Spirit of God working in us and through us!
This is your life, your own – not your mother’s, not your sister’s, not your spouse’s, nor your best friend’s.
When you discover the person inside, the one you have always been, foreknown and fore-loved by our Heavenly Father before the foundations of the world, you will be surprised by joy and astonished by awe.
Joyfully,
It really isn’t scary at all, but many people are petrified when they are called upon to give an announcement, give a little speech, or sing a song in front of a group of people.
The other day I was contacted with a request for help. Let me change her name and call her Linda, to protect her identity.
“I need help and I need prayer,” Linda started. “I am speaking, sharing and singing at a conference, tomorrow, and I have not sung in many years, it’s such a hard song. I am scared I forget what I’m going to say when I speak in front of them …. I normally look at the wall behind the people when I sing …. well, please just pray that GOD will possess me tomorrow and flow.. and for me to be obedient …. I wish you could go instead of me!”
It is true that I do not think twice about speaking in front of large groups of people, in fact I get a buzz out of it. I love connecting with my audience. I hate being stuck behind a podium with an immovable microphone, I love to walk about, into the audience and connect with them. I guess, after more than 28 years in the ministry that is probably to be expected. There was a time in my life, however, when I felt just like Linda, actually worse.
Nothing of the sort was planned by me, I literally stumbled into ministry when I inadvertently pioneered and pastored a small multicultural church in my living room in Hong Kong. I had no intentions for that to happen; yes, I was passionate about God and His Word, and especially about the Holy Spirit.
All I did was share what I had learnt with a few friends, then they told their friends, who told their friends, etc.
Then there came a time when we had actually out grown our very spacious living room and had to hire a hall.
Thankfully, I had befriended a minister from the Kenneth Copeland Ministries who decided to help me. He clearly saw that I was called into ministry, but he also saw that I completely froze with fear standing in front of a growing congregation, now transitioning into a hall. I was in such a bad shape at that time! When I walked up to the pulpit my brain turned into mush and the information supposedly to be shared looked more like a grey fuzzy TV screen without a signal, my body would shake and somehow I forgot how to walk or stand. I could not even remember the names of my closest friends …..
My dear friend from KCM connected me to the “Dale Carnegie Course: Effective Communications & Human Relations”. I very highly recommend this course. It made a huge difference; I even wound up assisting on the Course after graduating from mine. I must say, I personally even preferred this Dale Carnegy course to the “Zig Ziglar ‘Effective Presentations’ Course”, also a most excellent and highly recommendable course, which I took at a later point.
None-the-less, there came a time when I truly freaked out again, close to fainting …. no exaggeration.
Reason? One, I was thrust a microphone into my hands by an international keynote speaker at a packed out conference with rows of ministers and bishops sitting on the platform, and two, I was to speak in front of the seasoned minister who had ordained me into ministry.
I felt totally pitifully inadequate in front of people who I admired and respected, way senior to me, experienced, seasoned, not only in presenting the Gospel message but also in their walk with Christ.
Who was I? They’d look at me and think, ‘where’s the anointing?’ I woud never be good enough or even acceptable. The fear of rejection raised its ugly head again … a fear I was well experienced to.
I grew up in a family where just about everyone was an academic, with lawyers, doctors, etc. My own father was a scientist, published author, who was used to speaking at symposiums, and of course to the students at his university. My mother was a very ambitious pharmacist, and in her eyes, I had always been an embarrassment to the family, a failure, never good enough for anything really.
So, now this was haunting me again, as I was to speak in front of those dignified men and women in ministry. I felt like I had nothing to give.
But God turned it into a ‘Moses Moment’. Just like He asked Moses, “What do you have in your hands?” I felt that He was inquiring, “What have I wrought in your life? What seeds, whatever small you perceive them to be, do you have that you can now sow? What gift is in your life which you can now give away, that would meet the needs of those before you?”
That was the very turning point in my life. I looked at those in front of me through a different set of eyes, eyes of compassion, seeing needs that only God through me could meet.
“Share from your heart,” I said to Linda, “connect with just one person at a time, then it all flows out naturally like you’re talking to a friend. Imagine that they are the only person in the room and you really want to share something that will so bless them.
“See, You are not important, but the ones you want to bless, are. So, take the focus completely off you. When you forget about yourself, all of a sudden the others become important and you’re no longer self-conscious and scared.
“When you defocus from you, when you stop being self-conscious and focus on the others and their needs instead, when it does not matter any longer if you croak instead of sing, but when you have a message that you are passionate to give, surrendered to Him, then He can fill that with Himself, and it will meet the needs of others.”
Linda was still on some sort of a “scaredy-cat-rollercoaster” when she blurted out, “Yeah, but the original artist who sung that song, her voice and everything is just so amazing and so much better than me ….. I, just want to be perfect in order to bless them! ….”
“Well, she is a trained singer, for starters,” I replied, “I applaud anyone who pays the price for rigorous training and becoming the best they can be. Yes, she is a singer of highest calibre, but she won’t be there, she will not reach the people tomorrow, you will! When you connect with the hearts of people, when you connect with their needs, you only need to say one word, sing one tone, and it is explosive.
“Rather than needing to be perfect with your song, close your eyes and imagining reaching out to one or several people through your song. Think why they are there. They’ll come, not to hear a great singer, performer, speaker (… in life there will always be someone perceived to be ‘better’ than you …), the people, your audience, are there because there are needs in their hearts and life, and they are hoping that God through you will meet that need.
“See, it’s all about connecting with the heart. If you really connect and minister to their needs, then people are so concerned with what’s going on inside of them, that they won’t even notice if your tone and pitch is not perfect or whatever.
Now, I am not saying that this gives you licence to be awful and distract those listening from hearing the Spirit of God. The Bible does say,
“Be diligent and study to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth.” (2 Timothy 2:15)
Do what it takes to be the best you can be at any specific time in your life, but then lay aside the need for perfection, which so often comes from a motivation of avoiding perceived rejection, which leaves the spotlight on You, how you come across, and how you are perceived, it’s feeding on your need to be loved and accepted by the audience, on your insecurities. When you thus focus on yourself whilst attempting to minister to others, you actually rob them of a heart connection and blessing.
So, let’s talk about some practicals, how do you connect with your audience?
Do your home work first. Know your audience and their needs. Pray, study, research, pray, practice, oh … did I say pray?
Close your eyes, and become still.
Then with your closed eyes, by faith, allow His Love for them to rise up in you; intensify that love like it was a matter of life and death (it just may be, you never know!).
Enter into His rest whilst stirring up His Love for them in you.
Feel His heart for the precious people in front of you. It does not matter how big and ugly they are, they have wounds and needs that only His love can reach. Let His passion and love for them burn inside of you.
When you’re in that space, open your eyes and let it flow and pour out, and enjoy the ride as He touches the innermost hidden crevices of the hearts of the ones He so loves.
With love,
Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging and loving words!
God bless!
I had heard about Jason Westerfield before from Patricia King, but never experienced a conference with him.
Dear Lord! Did he ever challenge my over 28 years in ministry! I feel I have nothing to say, like having been playing church in the ministry kindergarten sandbox!
When I started out in ministry in Hong Kong in 1981, pioneered and pastored a small church, and also was blessed befriending Jackie Pullinger, it was all very raw and passionate. Later, as I became more involved with bigger churches, got ordained and then of course was an associate minister at a large church in London, things changed. I learnt the ropes of ministry behaviour.
We had ministers from large international churches and ministries come to our conferences, and anyone who is familiar with what it was like in those ‘Word of Faith’ days, …. you know … all the designer wear, crocodile leather shoes, jewellery, and generally being very important, and terribly respectable would know what I am talking about.
Thank goodness things have changed. Over some time now, everything inside me has been stretched, never to be the same again. Not only have I enjoyed the encredible privilege to feast from ministry tables and served by the likes of Patricia King, Jill Austin, Bobby Conners, etc. etc. on the Internet, but also at my church, Chiswick Christian Centre – but this guy, Jason Westerfield, like Heidi Baker, REALLY pushed the envelope!
Although fully sensitive, respectful, and submitted to the pastor of my church as a guest speaker, 
he just flowed with humility, freedom in Christ, with outrageous exuberance of extravagant worship. This guy knows how to worship – totally oblivious of what might be respectable or conventional around him.
He could not care less what anyone was thinking, and just took off dancing, jumping, bouncing, twirling, high jumps with shouts of joy, running into the congregation, taking members by the hand and get them to let go and enter into the joy of the Lord. King David, eat your heart out, you’ve got your match!
It was like he had totally abandoned himself to the Lord with sensitivity of His flow. No showmanship whatsoever! In some respect, you really did not know what Jason was doing next, I guess he did not know either, as he fully followed God’s directive. At times you wondered where he was …. at one point he had collapsed into a corner at the side quietly weeping in intercession, whilst everyone else was happily singing and worshipping.
I had never seen any minister just for long periods of time lying prostrate before the Lord on the floor, shoes kicked off, and then later preaching running around in socks. His style is without any airs and graces, pomp and circumstances – it’s about Holy Spirit protocol, submitted to Him first!
When he ministered it felt more like he was mentoring the entire congregation like interns to get them to dare to take steps into the greater heavenly realm of the supernatural. With Jason it’s all about intimacy with the Lord. It’s funny, he’s a young guy of about 33 years old, yet he mentored and laboured like a father amongst us, tirelessly teaching the Word with passion and healing signs following.
I guess the biggest eye-opener to me was on Sunday. I’m sure, anyone who may have come to enjoy a nice Sunday service would have been in for a shock. The message he had planned to preach did not happen. Instead he led the entire congregation into deep intercession, we were all on the floor or on our knees … and it was not a silent intercession either!
I realised that this guy has experienced a different spiritual reality. There is a new breed of ministers, such as Jason, Jamie Galloway, Joshua Mills, and John Crowder that contend for living in a realm of supernatural Kingdom reality with such abandoned passion, power and intimacy that leaves church as usual in a pitiful kindergarten of useless traditions.
One thing is for sure, no one can experience that level of the supernatural, unless they are daily striving to live with a pure heart, no personal agendas, their own lives nailed to the cross of Jesus, and His rest!
I think these young guys challenge us older established ministers to tear off those robes of tradition and outward respectability, and like King David worship Him with all our might, living in totally surrendered intimacy with the Master and Lover of our soul, Jesus!
(senior pastor Phil Whitehead in the blue shirt on the left)
——
I originally posted this in February (2009). Since then Jason has been back and again brought the house down. The glory was thick!
Just last weekend he continued to labour on laying some vital foundations pf prayer and intercession, especially for the nations, in specific for the UK.
I encourage you to check out Jason’s website, Kingdom Realities Ministries and the Chiswick Christian Centre podcast where you can listen and download those messages for free.
With love,
Did you find this post inspiring, informative, or interesting? Would you like to read more on this subject? Please let me know.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I find it such joy to read encouraging and loving words!
God bless!
